My new feet.

Tonight a few of us headed up to San Jose to take a speed skating class from a World Champion Speed Skater.  We were hoping to get some tips on upping our speed and fine tuning our form.  As Nastassia talked about skating, I was rolling around a little, and taking some grapevine steps while I listened.  It was then that I looked down at my feet at my cheap, red, Reidell Diablo skates and was filled with a sense of calm.  I wondered: when had my skates become an extension of my feet?  I've been comfortable on skates for months, but I supposed I didn't realize they'd somehow become a part of me.  I feel like I can do anything in skates now, and be comfortable (short of going down an EXTREMELY steep hill, or maybe driving a car.  Anything standing, really).  It was a pretty neat feeling knowing that I've dedicated so much of my blood and sweat (and MONEY) to derby, and not only gain confidence and improve my skating skills, but to truly develop this new life.  My skates may be cheap, bottom of the line, and made of synthetic materials, but that means little to me because when I see my skates, I see: freedom, speed, expression, stress release, happiness, family, sisters, smiles, sweat, strength, and beauty.  They're better than any mirror you could ever put in front of me because they show me what's inside as well as outside.

Friday!

This week felt eons long, and it was only a 4 day week for me!  I am seriously over teaching middle school.  My 6/7 period class owed me 8 minutes after school today.  That's how much time they wasted (really, it was actually more like 20 minutes, but I can't keep them that long).  And it's not bad behavior that's the problem, it's just the talking.  It doesn't stop. EVER.  I know some would argue that talking is bad behavior, but when you're me and you've had three years of kids throwing paper, fighting, screaming "fuck you" at each other (and at you), stealing each other's shit, walking around the classroom without permission--talking is really the least bad thing they could do.  I'm so tired of middle school.

On the plus side, there was a dance after school.  I went for a little while and giggled at their version of "dancing."  Really, it seemed only the 6th graders were dancing and the 7th & 8th graders were just hanging out.  Really funny though.  Last year, at my old school, there were 4 young female teachers and we always had more fun at the dances than the kids did.  The kids barely even danced.  Maybe they were embarrassed/put off by their teachers dancing. :)

On another plus side, next week is only 3 days long and Thursday is the 2nd Annual NPH Day!!!!!!!

Name change?

I am thinking about changing the name of this blog.  I am terrible about updating it and it it probably in part due to the fact that I feel like I should only post school-related material.  I had the idea for this blog when I was teaching high school, and honestly, high school kids just have more personality than middle schoolers.  I could have written a book about my high school kids.  Middle school kids just aren't as entertaining.  Besides, I have pretty much decided that I'm not going to teach much longer, so I'd have to start a new blog or change the name eventually.  I am tired of teaching middle school.  I am even more tired of teaching intervention classes.  The curriculum is terrible (it's completely scripted.  I spend so much time reading from a teacher's edition textbook, because I have to read it WORD FOR WORD, that I pay no attention to what's going on in my classroom.  It's awful.  Since my district is in trouble, even the regular core classes suffer.  We have to teach from a pacing guide in which there is NO TIME to teach even one novel.  All I get to teach is short stories out of a textbook.  It's terrible.  When I think of the connections I made to literature, I think of the novels I read.  I can't remember even one short story I read out of a textbook.  There is no room for teacher creativity because we have to use all of the ancillary materials that came with the textbooks, which are BO-RING.  There is no more trust in the professional educator.  And I know I teach in a bad school district, but it's more systematic than that.  Public education in this country is a joke and it's not going to change even in my lifetime.  (Go see Waiting for Superman, seriously.) 
    Now, despite that, I've volunteered my time to work with a program through my school called Friday Night Live.  We take basically the chronic behavior problem kids and work with them, but sell it as a leadership program.  We have a curriculum from the Boys and Girls Club that we will use.  We meet with them twice a month--once with just our group, and then the second meeting is with the first round of Friday Night Live kids who will now be the mentors for the current kids.  It sounds like a great program, and I left the meeting tonight with such a positive feeling.  One of my most challenging students, Jorge (I wrote about him before, here)  is in it and despite his terrible behavior, he is one of my favorites because he is genuinely a great person at heart.  He's always in a good mood, always smiling, but has no idea how to act in a classroom, and makes poor choices--he has romanticized the gang life and wants to live his life that way.  He's the only kid I know in the program, but the rest of the kids are really genuinely good kids--they just have a lot of personal issues.  Tonight was a challenge.  We need to get them to respect each other and us, the staff, before we can even think about getting into the curriculum, but I think it will come.  When Jorge left, he gave me a hug which he's never done before, and my heart soared.  I really hope this program has a positive impact on him because he's such a special kid.
    I enjoy these types of things much more than teaching.  I'd rather talk to the troubled kids and mentor them, than try to convince them that school is fun and they should love English class.  I think rather than teaching, my efforts would be better spent on intervention programs.  I know I'll never truly leave the "education" field, but I can't keep teaching with things the way they are.

Connection

  I feel really good because I think I made a good connection with a student yesterday.  I have a student (ok, I have over 100 of them, but that's beside the point), one of those kids that all of the teachers go, "ugh" when they hear his name.  We just finished our fourth week of school, and he already has 43 office referrals.  Sometimes he manages to get more than one in a single period.  He is a wannabe gang member who has a terrible mouth and talks about smoking weed all day.  He yells out things like, "I'm gonna be a drop-out and sell crack."  These kids always end up worming their way into my heart somehow.  
   He really doesn't do any work, but he'll usually work for me most of the time.  Yesterday they got in trouble and had to write an essay about how they had or had not demonstrated the Community of Caring Traits in the last week and why it was important to live the traits.  He was going to write that it was important because your parents will be proud of you (also that the cops will leave you alone, lol) and as he was writing, he said, "I made that up because my parents are never proud of me.  I could be on tv for doing something really good, and they still wouldn't be proud of me...you know I never go home?  Ask Olivia, she seen me walking in Marina at 3 in the morning.  I just walk around to my friends houses sometimes to get food because sometimes I don't eat." 
  He breaks my heart.  And we wonder why some kids always act out.  Because at least he's getting attention some way.  We wonder why kids join gangs.  Because they have no family at home.  After school, I was going to my car and he was walking down the street in front of the school.  He asked me for a ride and I told him I couldn't legally give him one.  He said, "I'm not going home."  I said, "I know.  You told me.  So, is this what you're going to do all weekend? Walk the streets?"  His response was, "Yep.  If you don't see me on Tuesday, then something bad happened."  I was like, "Don't say that!  I'm going to be worried about you all weekend!"  He said, "Ok, then I'm gonna be okay!" and flashed me a smile.
   I just want to hug him.  I want to find some way to get it through to him that he can do better with his life, but he has romanticized this idea of  a gang life.  On days when I don't know how much longer I can teach, things like this give me a little more energy.

Classroom #4

Yesterday, I received the keys to the 4th classroom I'll be in in 4 years.  I know some people don't count student teaching as a year of teaching, but I do because for a large portion of the year, I co-taught.  I had an amazing master teacher who made sure I was well prepared to take on my own classroom.  Anyway, I digress.
    I know my principal is awesome.  I've known that for 3 years, but it doesn't make me any happier about teaching middle school.  What IS awesome, though, is that this will be the first year I only have two preps.  I could have hugged my principal when I found out I only had two preps.  I hope this means that I'll finally catch a break this year.
    On a different note, our league had their first fundraiser today and I think it was pretty successful!






















I fell pretty hard at practice today, but got major air on a jump right before falling!  However, I hit my head against the ground and have been more or less fine for the last 3 hours, but suddenly don't feel so great.  I don't think I hit it hard enough to get a concussion, but I did hit it hard enough to give myself a good headache.   Thank God I have a day to rest before the next practice.  I <3 Derby :) 

Making decisions

It's no secret that I'm less than thrilled about the thought of teaching middle school again.  Perhaps it is in part due to the fact that I taught all intervention classes last year and had probably the worst middle-school teaching experience.  Anyway, I was checking the vacancy list and saw that there was an English position open at the continuation high school.  I considered asking for a voluntary transfer because I figured I would know a large part of the kids already as I had them in in high school two years ago.  Then, I ran into one of my former students who had to do a quarter at the continuation school his senior year to make up some credits from freshman year and he pretty much scared me out of it.  He reminded me of a valid point--"Take all of the worst kids from all of the high schools and put them in one school."  It's sad, but true.  I mean, not all of them are "bad" kids--and really, the "bad" kids often become my favorite and I don't know why.  Perhaps it's more rewarding to see a light-bulb turn on in a kid who has never had any confidence in his/herself or has never had anyone who has had confidence in them.  Anyway, I'm getting off-track. 
   He told me some horror stories about what goes on at the campus that made me think perhaps middle school was the lesser of the two evils.  He literally told me, "You'll get eaten alive."  Gulp.  I don't know anyone who teaches there, so I don't have anyone to ask.  I suppose I'll stick to middle school.  I really need to get out of this district.

Roller derby is effin up my feet

 I have always thought feet were really gross.  Most people don't really take care of their feet and pamper them the way they should.  But think about it: your feet probably work harder than any of your other body parts.  They support all of your weight (and most of us don't distribute our weight in the way we should--so our feet must work extra hard) and if you have a job that requires you to stand a lot, as I do (hello being on your feet about 8-10 hours a day), that is some serious support being given.  I've always made it a point to take care of my feet.  I pumice them regularly and rub lotion in them to make them soft and release the tension.  Now, my feet are nowhere near perfect.  I have permanent callouses because I don't distribute my weight evenly.  However, now that I'm doing roller derby (and skating damn near every day--and not leisurely skating, actively skating--sweating and huffing and puffing) and my feet need TLC more than ever, I feel like it's a lost cause.  I have new callouses, and my blisters have blisters.  I am coming to terms with the fact that I will have really gnarly feet and it's just the price I'll pay to participate in this truly rad sport.  And if all that I end up with is gnarly feet--I'm getting off REALLY easy.  Check this out.